Punishment for leaving them behind

By the way, I have this feeling that the twins are punishing me for leaving them behind while me and Louis enjoy our trip in Perth. Them being unwell during this weekend is the pre- trip punishment... So sad!!! Am I overly sensitive or my stress level had reach a new peak?? Either way is bad.

Motherly love

My cousin will be enlisted on this coming Monday, he is the only boy in the family of 4 children and I can tell that my their mum (my nanny) is super kan cheong and worried. I will probably be the same when it is Sincere time to be enlisted.

I was at their place on the last weekend before the big day and I can tell that my aunt is emotional about her son new NS journey but being the mother of her generation, way of expressing her love is thru nagging and cooking up a storm for the son. My cousin had tone of appointment and gathering with his friends and the moment when he said he will stay for dinner on Saturday, I can immediately see the spark in my aunt eyes and next moment she is searching thru her fridge and cracking her brain on what to cook. Motherly love is indeed great and unconditional.

I do not know if I am have been a good mother so far but I do know that I love my twins and I will do anything for them within my means and way. I just posted in Facebook and shared that Parenthood is so tough and like what people kept tell me, it will only get easier but I do not experience the easier part yet. Still feeling stress up to this moment. Nevertheless, I still love you, sincere and righteous!!

Weekend plan.

I was told to have a positive mindset when come to taking care of the twins. Easier said then done but I am going to try that again. Again because I tried to be positive before and I can't remember when did the negativity got into me and the fear overwhelm me.

Anyway, instead of staying home alone and whine with my babies, I am bringing them back to my mum's place where my nanny and cousins will be around to help. Sounds like a good plan?? I certainly hope so and hope to catch some sleep if possible. I have requested Louis to take Sunday off work, not the long term plan but I need him to be home cause Righteous is running fever and i need the extra help at home. We suppose to bring them for their booster jab on Monday, guess that had to be postpone till after our holiday in Perth.

Today is Friday and tell me why am I not excited??

Post babies, I am not longer looking forward to weekend, especially during the weekend that Louis will be working on both days. It simply mean I will be home alone with the kids and that is not funny at all.

I am not complaining as a mother, I simply needs help and support and I don't get it. I felt that no one understand the stress and fear that I am having and I always felt very alone and helpless.

The situation is made worst when the twins are not sleeping well at night or if they fell sick. I missed my babies and wants to spend time with them but I can't do this alone all the time.

Help!!

Dinner with my mum and aunt

As the old saying said, once the tree fall, all the monkeys will go on their own way. In this case, the tree is my grandma and my aunties and uncles are the monkeys. Ever since grandma passed away, we do see less of each other, if not because my aunt is helping to take care of my babies, I will not see my cousin so often too. Staying on together as a family without the head (grandma) is not easy and required more trying then not.

My youngest aunt who is single is even more lonely without my grandma and we all try to include her in our celebration and dinner. During the the last two days that I was on urgent leave, my mum suggested having dinner at one of my aunt favorite Japanese restaurant that will be closing soon. The food is not bad but not as gaga as what they claim. Then I suggested having dinner at Trader Hotel on the following Monday without knowing that I will need to be on urgent leave again and not knowing that it was my aunt birthday too. Anyway, on the day itself, I was a bit tired and lazy but i have already called to make a reservation for the dinner. I asked my mum at 5pm if she is still keen for the dinner, my mum claimed that she forgot about it and my aunt was actually waiting for my call. I was so glad that we went for the dinner cos it was her birthday, else I will definitely blame myself for a long long time.

Dinner was good and we had a good time chatting and eating. I like the feeling and we should do it again and again..

Taking urgent leave twice in 2 weeks

Last Monday I was on urgent leave, today i am urgent leave again. It was emergency issue but not to me or my twins, my aunty cum nanny was unwell and needed treatment. I Understand that she need to see doc but I hope my boss can be as understanding that last min leave is not within my control.

And of all days and time, whenever I am on leave something happened at work. Something consider rather major and I wish I can be there but I am grateful that I didn't miss he entire show cos my CEO did not forget me and make a conference call to me while they had the meeting so that I do not missed anything or received the news late.

For that, I am very grateful and appreciative.

Babies not sleeping thru the night

This is nothing new and I have growth and learnt to deal with it since they are only home with me on the weekend. Their nap frequency has reduce to 1 time, but there are occasion where they will nap just before dinner time if they wake up very early in the morning.

Now that they are already 16months, I will have make the decision on when to stop them on sarong and move them to sleeping on the mattress. This will be a huge challenge for us as this will change their sleeping and napping habit altogether. But I have to do what I need to do, just finding the best time to do the switch and they might struggle a bit but hope all will turn out fine. I will blog the progress when the day arrive. Meanwhile, I am rocking Sincere since 4.30am and the time now is 5.50am, baby sleep well and mummy need my sleep too.