Thursday, December 27, 2012

New year resolution 2013

I have not make any new year resolutions for last year but felt passionate about making mine for 2013. Healthier lifestyle, less carbo intabke and increase my exercise routine. I am trying to jog two times per week and trying hard to stick to the plan. So far, not doing too well but hoping that I will persist and result will shown. I am cutting down carbo intake, especially bread. Too many delicious bakeries house these days and are not friendly to my dieting plan. Be open, I hope to be able to see things in different prospective, I want to widen my views of life. Maybe then I will be able perfect certain survival skills and roll my eyes so fast that no one else will spot me. Be more patient towards my family. I need to love them more, be their mother and wife more and be less nagging and demanding, although it is all for their own good. I need to let go and let GOD. There are many more on my list but I need to focus and only look at what is most important to me. It has been challenging every year but we make it, so will 2013.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Annual Company Christmas Party

Annually, we have our Christmas Party. This year, the organiser is our CEO and he built up the expectation of the celebration before the actual day. The shitty shit is, the party was GREAT and we all had a rolling good time. The party was held at a hotel, with mobile DJ engaged, huge budget for lucky draw prizes and a whole lots of excited colleagues plus lots of alcohol waiting for us, we started the party with laughter and ended it with overwhelming joy. At least for most of us, even though we didn't win any lucky draw prizes. Before the party, we didn't expect to dance after the dinner, we didn't expect to take up closed and person photographs with colleauges that we are not so closed at work, many didn't expect to be drunk, relaxed and let our hair down and party. But we did... Cheers like no tomorrow!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Missing the good old days

It is the festive and raining seasons. Can't help but think and miss the good old days when weekends is all about myself, partying, shopping and relaxing. Now, weekends is indeed more tiring and demanding then working days.

There is no personal moment during weekend unless the twins cooperate and nap at the same time. Even then, I have to make use of the little free time to prepare their next meal, pack the messy house, vacuum the floor, shower , prepare all the baby bag for outing...and many more.

I misses those days when I can sleep in, meet friends for hi-ti and chat the afternoon away. I miss the party days and not to worry about hang over. I miss watching TV alone the whole afternoon and do nothing.

But I have these in exchange for everything:

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Grandma death anniversary

Coming Saturday is grandma first death anniversay. Grandma had passed away for a year and I missed her. I was looking thru the old photos, searching for the old memories and trying to recall the time that I spent with her. I realised, we had too few photos taken, I neglected my grandma towards the last few months of her time with us. I was too occupied with my twins and I hardly take any picture of her. All ther last days pictures were taken at the hospital when I visited her. Ah ma, I missed you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Insomnia after a tiring weekend

Coming to 2am. I am bloody tired and I can't get to sleep. I am going to hate myself tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off.

Had a good weekend with the the twins, enjoy spending time with them with Louis around, it take the stress off me and we get to spend time together as a family. What makes the time spent better was we get to bond with my cousin, brother and my mum when we brought the twins out on two different occasions.

Now, I really need to sleep, I am so tired especially I suffered a bad hangover on Sunday morning after i drank too much at the D&D. Hate the stupid feeling so much that I want to quit drinking. What must I do to sleep?? Count the sheeps??

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Positive power and influence (PPI)

Have not attended external training course for a long long time. The one that I have on 5th and 6th November was held at SIM on Positive Power and Influence. The course focus on identifying positive energy, applied the energy to influence the people around us. It also show us the different style of influence that we could use or we have been using in our daily life. There are some that we need to learn and some that we need to put aside. There are always room for improvement.

During the course, I do find some of the points are so simple, direct and things that we already know. The problem is, we failed to applied them at the right time. Simple thing like receiving and giving feedback, mindful of body languages, watch out for our tone when we speak and use positive words. Common sense right but we don't usually do them.

Application of what we learn during the course is also subjected to the different situation, so be flexible. I need to set clear objective and know who to influence to achieve my goal in life. The rest is not important.

Oh, before I forget, one thing I disliked about attending such motivation courses is the role playing part. I am always selected to role play....always!!! Get a life and find someone else Lei.

Monday, October 29, 2012

To live I need to DIE

It has been a long struggled, things get complicated, productive compromised, emotion got affected and negative energy surround me. It is a realisation of hard truth and I have decided to stop fighting..let go and let me die. I have to die to live...I have decided to join the gang of super fake, super insincere, super inconsistence, bias, unreasonable, unscrupulous and the list goes on.It is ok to twist and turn our words, it is ok to take side and push blame to others. Sounds bad? Not really, this is the true world that we are living in. I used to believed in treating our business parters nice, fair and professionally, turned out, this might be my own wishful thinking. The slogan and believed that I have been holding on for the past ten years seem to be wrong wrong, I have been following the wrong direction. Very sad but all this shall change. Any changes will be painful, especially I have to let go of my faith..I need alochol.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

不直的。

真的不直的为了一个小人伤心难过。他永远不会知道也不会有任何悔意,竟然如此,不如放下。

Spending quality time with the twins individually

I read from twins parents blogs that spending quality time with the twins individually is very important cause they are unique individual and I would need to bond with them in their own little way.

I thought I can only do this when they are older, wrong. I managed to spend our little quality time together today. In the morning, after Sincere woke up, I decided to bring him out to the market while Righteous and Louis are still sleeping. We drove to the market, had a morning walk around the few blocks and bought breakfast back. Had happy bonding time with my son.

In the afternoon, since Righteous woke up late, I brought her out for a quick shopping while Sincere had his nap at home with Louis. Righteous really enjoy the shopping trip, typical girl. We also visited aunty Dan on the way home.

Now, both of them are tired and trying to sleep. It is Louis time to bond with them while I take my break. Louis always get the better deal when dealing with the twins...all he needs to do is to sleep with them.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Doing research

Weekend is here and I ma reading up some of the articles on 'Why my toddler do not nap'?? I am face with this problem last weekend when Righteous simply refuse to nap for both days, she is obviously tired but refuse to give in. Come night time, she again refuse to stay in the bed room and wanted to go out and play. I am alone most of the time and I need to keep both of them together. I need them to nap so that we get enough rest, but this is really not easy. The article offer some comfort but not able to provide solution that could solve the problem. Guess i am on my own on this topic and i will have to trial and error to try out what works best for the twins. Feeling sleepy already.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Changes after becoming parents.

As much as I wanted to maintain my lifestyle to pre parenthood, there are changes that are inevitable and beyond my control. At the same time, I did manage to have some form of balance for myself.

For sure, I no longer look forward to long week if Louis is working, simply because staying home alone with the twins is a challenge beyond me, the situation is 100000 times worst when they are sick. Which is like now, both down with flu and refuse to take their medicine and afternoon nap. I felt that I am been push to the wall and tested beyond my limit. Then again, only my children have the ability to do this to me.

No more drinking and partying on a Friday night, very sad and this is something that missed very much. Even if I do get a Friday night off, it won't be the same, I won't let my hair go and drink like no tomorrow. I do have a tomorrow and they comes with two kids and I can't afford to be drunk and suffering from hangover.

Sleeping in on weekend. But I can still sleep in on a weekday for now. To sleep in mean I have to apply for leave, how sad can that be??

Personal time and desire aside, parenthood is a very expensive changes. The nanny fee cost us $2000 per month and that excludes the milk powder, diaper and weekend help cost and many more. It means I could be potentially be buying a branded bag each month or change to a luxury car with the money that I spent on the babies.

My balance comes during weekday when he twins are at the nanny. I can still meet up with friends for dinner, spend 'we' time with louis and plan overseas trip.

Parenthood is a life long commitment and the changes are so drastic that it can be very overwhelming. There are no lead time to learn and there no way to be trained or prepared for what is to come. On the job training is the only choice with no option to turn back, no such thing as 'if only' and 'what if'. Like all parents, I will not ever trade in my kids for anything in this world, no matter how much I missed my pre parenthood life or how many branded bags that I like. I have my random feel about my role as a mother. As you may guess...the feel is even stronger when they are sick and I need to wrote this down to remind myself that all this horrible moment shall pass and I love my kids no matter what.

Dear lord, please watch over them, heal them and make them sleep.


Saturday, September 22, 2012

House chores that I hate and more

I hate washing cup, I do not know why. I do not have the habit of washing up my cup after I used it, I tend to leave it overnight or over couple of nights before washing it. I hate hanging up my clothes too. I am fine with the rest of the chores except these two.

Other than house hold chores, I also hate pumping petrol, I have to wait till the empty sign lighted up and wait till the tank is also empty when it is at emergency warning before driving into the petrol kiosk. I do not know why but I simply hate pumping petrol.

Other than that I think I am ok with everything else...then again, maybe not. I just can't quite remember what else do I hate, I am sometime too forgetful. Never mind, I will continue this blog when I remember them. Till then, have a good nite. Now is already coming to 2am.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Learning new thing everyday

One thing I love about my job is, I am able to meet new and all kind of personality during the course of my work. I have a very wide range of business partners and I get to meet at different occassions. During one of the recent meeting, I get to meet people from the Bangladesh high commission. First of all, they speak very good English and they are people that are passional about their conutry and they want to make a difference in the life of their countrymen.

We learnt that they are mostly muslim and all Bangladeshish received fundamental education.

I admit that I love Singapore and super proud to be a Singaporean but I don't think I have done anything more for the Country. Knowing people that want to make a difference really impresses me and kept me thinking. Here in Singapore, everyone is demanding and expecting government to make their life better, but did anyone stop and think on how to make Singapore a better place without asking for any return? We are so shelter and protected that we take Singapore for granted. We tend to neglect the safety, the harmony, the peace, the culture that we are enjoying. We should really paused and look at the surrounding.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Mentally weak

Saw on Facebook that one of my cousin is down with sore throat and my heart starts to run and my mind gets weaker. I am not worried for my cousin, she is old enough to take care of herself. I am worried for my babies. They are staying at my nanny place and they have a higher exposure to the potential risk. I have been telling myself that we need to expose the twins, that is the only way to build up their immunity. The thought is noble but the mind and body is weak. I am scared of them being sick but being scared will not improve or change anything. Silly me, I know. If only I can control my emotion...if only

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Random emotion

I have my random realization and emotional moment every now and then and I just had one on my way home after my golf game on sunday. I was asked to stand in for my boss at DBS golf day, I had one of my best golf game today. But this has nothing to do with my random feeling.

I was missing my twins since I can't spend Sunday with them and it got to me that no love is big enough to replace mother love for our kids. It is so true in the song lyric that the best person and the person that love us most and unconditionally is none other but our mother. And the other person that can love us as much is probably our grandmother and that trigger my random emotion. I missed my grandma so terribly. I cried each time I think of my grandma, I really miss her.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Stride rite shoes

I am convinced that a good pairs of shoes is very important and this is even more true when come to first pairs of shoes for my twins. I have brought many shoes but I tend to neglect the development of their little feet. Righteous is wearing a pairs of see kai run hand me down shoes, and she walks with comfort and confidence. Sincere does not have a pair of shoes that fit and he seem to be in discomfort all the time when comes to training him to walk.

So, after much thought, I have decided to invest in good comfort shoes for them. We decided to try stride rite at united square. The shoes are more expensive than mine, each pair cost $65. The sweet deals was they were running some promo and some range are 50% off. I bought 4 pairs in one go and I hope Sincere and Righteous will be able to walk in comfort and confidence.

Korean drama

I am a addict to Korean drama, but not all Korean drama is about airy fairy tales. There are those that teaches great family values and life lessons. Koreans have very strong family values and they always show that in the drama.

Thru the drama, I do learnt about very meaningful words and values that they shared and there those that remind us of how to be a good parents, filial children, harmony siblings, valuable friends and many more.

See, there are positive things to learn everywhere in our life, that includes watching TV, totally justified why am I such a TV addict.

Friday, August 31, 2012

OMG - I am hopeless

I can't believed myself. I miscalculated my babies age. I kept thinking that they are 18 months when in fact, they are only 17 months. How can i possible made such a mistake? I have to literally sat in front of the calendar to count the months. I felt so useless. What kind of mother does that make me? This Sunday, I will have to send them early to my nanny place to go for a corporate golf game at Sentosa. I am really not keen in playing but I need to. I will make up to them for the lost time. I am planning a staycation with the Twins at RWS. This will be our first getaway with the babies. We need to try locate to explore dealing with them. I think it will be fun and counting down to that. Happy holidaying with my tiwns.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Full time maid or not??

I still can't make up my mind on having the full time maid. Weighing the pros and cons and yet we were unable to come to a conclusion. There too many points to consider. Thinking thinking thinking....

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dinning table

We had to give away our big lovely dinning table last year to make room for the twins when they were on walker. It has been a year since we do not have a dinning table at home and that feel really weird and incomplete for a family. I am someonoe who believed that family must sit and eat together at the dinning table. That is where communication and bonding happened. My mum never instill that habit in us but I am going to make sure my household follow that rule. Now that the twins are older, we decided that it is time that they learn about table manner and eating at the dinning table as a family. We learnt from our previous mistake and we bought a small table that meet the purpose but not overwhelm the little space that we have.Louis is setting up the table and it should be ready for use soon. I am looking forward to having dinner soon at our new dinning table.By the way, ever since my return from Perth, I have become more domesticated. The trip trigger the desired in me to cook and I really enjoy that. I bought fresh ingredient from the supermarket and look forward to cooking over the weekend. I am learning to cook new dishes too. I did think of going for cooking classes so that I am able to make dishes for my family, the taste of home cooked food.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Moving on to the next stage of parenthood?

It has been 18 months since the day the twins arrived and these 18 months definitely filled with lots of up and down and full of love. With the arrangement of having the twins staying over at my nanny on weekdays, my weekdays night are available to myself. I have the freedom to catch up with friends, stay back for entertainment and spend quality time with Louis on his off days. I truly enjoy my freedom but I think it is about time that I need to make adjustment to bring the twins back on a daily basis. They are older and I do need to spend more time with them and start nurturing them. I started to have this thought when I am seriously considering the option of employing domestic help. As the twins grow older, they are more demanding and can be difficult to manage when I am alone. And if we have an extra help, it will be only right that I bring them home daily. Once I get the DH, our freedom will officially ended and true blue parenthood will start for me and Louis. No more weekend parenting. I am missing my freedom already...

Monday, August 13, 2012

Post Perth Holiday

We are back from our Perth holiday. Were there for only 5 days and I think I had quite enough of the City. Perth is really lay back, everyone seem to be walking slower in Perth and nobody is rushing for time. But I must agree that the environment is rather peaceful and relaxing and the cold weather make it extremely cozy too. Nice first visit but I do not think that we will be back anytime soon.

We had a self drive holiday, we drove to Margaret river which is famous for the many winery and the local produces such as olive oil, jam, honey and the chocolate factory. Due to time constraint, we invited only two winery and the local produces factories. We checked into Heritage Rail for our night at Margaret river. Nice and cosy standalone hut for each guest room and the bed was super comfy. We had a good dinner at The Must at the town and we went back to drink the wine that we brought earlier due to the super cold night.

We continue our drive to visit other part of the tourism spots before driving back to Perth city.

I like self driven holiday in Australia, truly relaxing and we spend good quality time together. I didn't bother to shop in Perth. Everything is expensive and the fashion sense is just bad. We spent most of our money on foods and lazing at cafe.

One day, if possible, I would consider brining the twins to Perth or Melbourne for a trip.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Seeking part time help over the weekend

Ever since the push over the limit by the twins when they were sick, I have been thinking and planning for extra help during weekend when I have to be alone with them. Seriously they have growth and are two little demanding human being. I can no long managed them alone so additional help is much appreciated.

We thought of engaging full time maid but logistic and babysitting issue are tricky. I do not think a maid will be able to managed the twins alone during the day time and I would want them to be under the care of my nanny. If that is the case, either I have to bring everyone home daily or the maid has to stay at jurong.

So, I decided to search online for those weekend babysitting help and I found a few online. Made a few SMS and I have found someone. She will be able to come over to my place on weekend afternoon till night time which is exactly what I need. I have made the arrangement for her to come and help me and I hope this will be the solution to my weekend stress. Till then, I am so looking forward to my holiday in Perth.

I got a kiss from Righteous out of the blue.

I guess this is part of the joy of parenthood. Righteous was playing on her own and she walk over to give me a big long kiss on my cheek out of the blue. The feeling was amazing and electric, for the first time I have a satisfying feeling. Mother, woman are really easy to pleased, all we need is some form of appreciation and a simple kiss from my girl made me feel so loved and understand why I have to gone thru the previous tough time because the reward will come..and it came when you less expect it. Thank you, Lord!!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Phobia

I must admit I am having phobia of taking care of the twins after last week experience. I am so scared that I got cold feet now just by them not wanting to sleep or being abit out of norm. And I only feel relieve when they are my nanny. Does this sound terrible?? I am actually feeling scare...

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Punishment for leaving them behind

By the way, I have this feeling that the twins are punishing me for leaving them behind while me and Louis enjoy our trip in Perth. Them being unwell during this weekend is the pre- trip punishment... So sad!!! Am I overly sensitive or my stress level had reach a new peak?? Either way is bad.

Motherly love

My cousin will be enlisted on this coming Monday, he is the only boy in the family of 4 children and I can tell that my their mum (my nanny) is super kan cheong and worried. I will probably be the same when it is Sincere time to be enlisted.

I was at their place on the last weekend before the big day and I can tell that my aunt is emotional about her son new NS journey but being the mother of her generation, way of expressing her love is thru nagging and cooking up a storm for the son. My cousin had tone of appointment and gathering with his friends and the moment when he said he will stay for dinner on Saturday, I can immediately see the spark in my aunt eyes and next moment she is searching thru her fridge and cracking her brain on what to cook. Motherly love is indeed great and unconditional.

I do not know if I am have been a good mother so far but I do know that I love my twins and I will do anything for them within my means and way. I just posted in Facebook and shared that Parenthood is so tough and like what people kept tell me, it will only get easier but I do not experience the easier part yet. Still feeling stress up to this moment. Nevertheless, I still love you, sincere and righteous!!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Weekend plan.

I was told to have a positive mindset when come to taking care of the twins. Easier said then done but I am going to try that again. Again because I tried to be positive before and I can't remember when did the negativity got into me and the fear overwhelm me.

Anyway, instead of staying home alone and whine with my babies, I am bringing them back to my mum's place where my nanny and cousins will be around to help. Sounds like a good plan?? I certainly hope so and hope to catch some sleep if possible. I have requested Louis to take Sunday off work, not the long term plan but I need him to be home cause Righteous is running fever and i need the extra help at home. We suppose to bring them for their booster jab on Monday, guess that had to be postpone till after our holiday in Perth.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Today is Friday and tell me why am I not excited??

Post babies, I am not longer looking forward to weekend, especially during the weekend that Louis will be working on both days. It simply mean I will be home alone with the kids and that is not funny at all.

I am not complaining as a mother, I simply needs help and support and I don't get it. I felt that no one understand the stress and fear that I am having and I always felt very alone and helpless.

The situation is made worst when the twins are not sleeping well at night or if they fell sick. I missed my babies and wants to spend time with them but I can't do this alone all the time.

Help!!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Dinner with my mum and aunt

As the old saying said, once the tree fall, all the monkeys will go on their own way. In this case, the tree is my grandma and my aunties and uncles are the monkeys. Ever since grandma passed away, we do see less of each other, if not because my aunt is helping to take care of my babies, I will not see my cousin so often too. Staying on together as a family without the head (grandma) is not easy and required more trying then not.

My youngest aunt who is single is even more lonely without my grandma and we all try to include her in our celebration and dinner. During the the last two days that I was on urgent leave, my mum suggested having dinner at one of my aunt favorite Japanese restaurant that will be closing soon. The food is not bad but not as gaga as what they claim. Then I suggested having dinner at Trader Hotel on the following Monday without knowing that I will need to be on urgent leave again and not knowing that it was my aunt birthday too. Anyway, on the day itself, I was a bit tired and lazy but i have already called to make a reservation for the dinner. I asked my mum at 5pm if she is still keen for the dinner, my mum claimed that she forgot about it and my aunt was actually waiting for my call. I was so glad that we went for the dinner cos it was her birthday, else I will definitely blame myself for a long long time.

Dinner was good and we had a good time chatting and eating. I like the feeling and we should do it again and again..

Monday, July 16, 2012

Taking urgent leave twice in 2 weeks

Last Monday I was on urgent leave, today i am urgent leave again. It was emergency issue but not to me or my twins, my aunty cum nanny was unwell and needed treatment. I Understand that she need to see doc but I hope my boss can be as understanding that last min leave is not within my control.

And of all days and time, whenever I am on leave something happened at work. Something consider rather major and I wish I can be there but I am grateful that I didn't miss he entire show cos my CEO did not forget me and make a conference call to me while they had the meeting so that I do not missed anything or received the news late.

For that, I am very grateful and appreciative.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Babies not sleeping thru the night

This is nothing new and I have growth and learnt to deal with it since they are only home with me on the weekend. Their nap frequency has reduce to 1 time, but there are occasion where they will nap just before dinner time if they wake up very early in the morning.

Now that they are already 16months, I will have make the decision on when to stop them on sarong and move them to sleeping on the mattress. This will be a huge challenge for us as this will change their sleeping and napping habit altogether. But I have to do what I need to do, just finding the best time to do the switch and they might struggle a bit but hope all will turn out fine. I will blog the progress when the day arrive. Meanwhile, I am rocking Sincere since 4.30am and the time now is 5.50am, baby sleep well and mummy need my sleep too.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Guilty and uncomfortable

I admit, I didn't call to ask how is the babies condition after I brought the babies over to my nanny on Monday morning. I was asked how's the babies conditions and they were shocked that I didn't bother to find out.

I love my babies and it is not that I do not care about them. I know that if they are not well, my nanny will call and if I do not hear from her, they should be fine. So, I called today and my poor babies have not fully recover, they are still having borderline fever and I felt guilty. Guilty because I can't spend time with them, guilty because I am not doing anything to make them better.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Running high fever.

It is every parents heartache to watch their own babies down with high fever and feel totally helpless when the fever do not drop when medication was given.

sincere came down with high fever on Friday. Due to his restlessness, I was very worried and I brought him to KKH. His fever wasn't under controlled and we monitored him throughout the night. He continue to be restless, cranky and needy. He only felt asleep when he used up all his energy and I woke him up couple of time to feed him medicine.

Righteous was at my nanny and i went over to my aunty place thinking that I should be able to bring Righteous home on Saturday. Idiotic thing is, righteous also came down with fever and she share the same symptom as Sincere, persistence high fever, cranky and needy. Thanks goodness that my aunty offered to take care of one of the baby for me, was very grateful. I brought Righteous and left Sincere to her care.

We are still fighting the fever and dear lord, please protect the babies and grant them speedy recovery, please remove the fever.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Mum's birthday celebration

We had a simple dinner at Jack'S place for Mum's birthday dinner. It was cosy and heartwarming, am quite sure that my mum had a good time.

I got her a cake and she was pretty shy when the restaurant play the birthday song.

I brought Righteous with me for the dinner, felt a little bad for leaving Sincere behind but I won't be able to cope with two. I will bring Sincere out for a mother and son bonding time soon.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I got shit in my nail

Motherhood is full of surprises and that includes finding shit in your nail. Was cleaning for Righteous and she struggle, I didn't realize her shit went into my nail. After cleaning for her, I kept smelling the linger poop and I thought Sincere poop. Checked on him twice before I notice my nail is soiled. Sound disgusting?? Not really if you are a mother yourself, we clean our babies poop without complained but I can't stand the smell of Louis fart. He said that's not fair, I told him, I am your wife, not your mother. I have enough shot to clean and do not have any more excess tolerant for extra 'shit'.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

My mum

My dad passed away when I was barely 3 months old. All these years, my mum raised me and my brother up single handedly with the help and support from my maiden grandparents. I stayed with grandma since birth and that explained why i was super closed to my grandma. Before my grandpa passed away, I was his precious granddaughter that he bring everywhere. Anyway, I have amber love from my grandparents and I never feel losing my dad at such young age was a disadvantage or missing anything in life when I was young.

I only started to understand how tough and difficult it was for my mum much later in my life. My mum was made widow at the young age of 24, she didn't think of remarry to protect me and brother. I felt really sorry for my mum to be spending all her life almost alone. I wasn't closed to my mum when I was younger because we stayed apart, an arrangement due to work and I only get to meet her and my brother on weekend. I won't tell my mum much and I always accuse her of being bias towards my brother cause they were closer, till today. But I know I can't be more wrong, my mum love me as much as she love my brother, I truly understand the unconditional motherly love when I became a mother myself. There is no such thing as bias, I love them both as much as I can possibly give and I know my mum felt the same way towards us.

These days, I have learn to appreciate my mum more and more and would want to spend more time with her. Her birthday is coming and she sounded surprise when I dated her for dinner, she was happy that we remember her birthday. I always do but I don't always celebrate it for her, from this year on, I will want to celebrate my mum birthday with her every years. I am planning to bring Righteous out for the dinner with us, can't handle two, so will bring Sincere out the next time.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Goodbye Blackberry and hello Samsung SIII

I parted with my BB today, I have been a BB users for 3 years and BB had served me well but my desired for new phone caught the flame again with the launched of the new Samsung SIII. in fact, I was considering Note but the draw to the Note wasn't strong enough for me to act.

I was thinking of SIII the whole day and decided to join the crowd at the shop to get my new phone. The process wasn't too painful, I have backed up all my BB data few days back and I have packed the BB set ready for a trade in anytime.

So now, I am no longer a BB user but had join the crowd to explore the new SIII. I have high expectation for the phone and hope it will not disappoint me. New phone is now charging and will be ready for me to explore tomorrow. Really excited and I always love gadget.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Righteous taking her first baby step

The twins are 14 months old and they should be walking any time soon. We thought Sincere who do not crawl might walk first but look like we could be wrong. Righteous is able to stand on her own without support and she tried taking her first step, now she can walk about 4 steps and in the weeks to come, she can definitely walk on her own. Another milestone achieved by the little gal. Sincere will definitely get there soon, their progress is not a competition, all I wish is two healthy and happy babies.

This week, they are abit under the weather and they are extremely sticky to Louis, I am a little jealous but that fine. Babies, please recover soon and we can visit the parks again, love you!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Lady Gaga

I am not a fan of Lady Gaga but I have the honour to be invited for her sold out concert in Singapore by one of my business partner. Even though I am not a fan but I was excited and looking forward to the concert. Her concert was indeed spectacular and her vocal is really powerful and good. She sang live and dance for 2 hour plus. She is indeed amazing.

What impresses me most during the concert was, she shared that she worked very hard and work every single day, she work hard for what she like and what she believed...music.

Many people overlooked the hard work that these Diva put in to be where she is today. Everyone wants her glamour but do not know the pain and work that she need to go thru to stand on the stage. I like her message to her fans and audience. She said, one must work very hard for your dream and the fact that music connect people.

After her concert, I am even more certain that I must let the twins learn music, I think music will nurture a person character one way or another. In my eyes, music open heart, open opportunities, open possibilitie and create a channel of communication and release. I have always aspired to be musically trained (can't be talented) but I failed many times. I do not have the flare, I only have the dream. Thus, I am pinning my litte dream and aspiration on them,music will do them good.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Congratulation to my dear friend

I am so happy for my friend because she is pregnant. It wasn't easy and when she told me she was pregnant, I cried. This is the first time that I cried hearing such good news. I don't remember crying when I was pregnant.

I am going to be the Godma and and nobody is going to fight with me for that role. I am going to be mummy again!! Hahaha

Motherhood journey is not easy but it is not going to bring us down. We will survive and we will do a great job.

Dear friend, rest well, the pregnancy journey will be full of anticipation and the day when you meet your little one, the emotion will be strong but all that you went thru is nothing and all worthwhile when you saw the smile.

Welcome to motherhood and the next phase of your life. We will be there to be your support pillar and we will learn and grow together. One day when the kids grew up and no longer need us, we will have each other to travel and party all over again.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Precious child

Witness a case of a little girl crying hysterically looking for her mother at a busy tourist spot. She is probably 3-4 years old, we notice her and our eyes followed her while she aim and search for her mum endlessly. We looked out for her in case she fall into hands of bad guys as well as we want to know where is the mother and if she is also looking for the poor kid.

The little girl finally found the mother and guess what we saw? The mother was busy taking photo for her little boy and we bet she didn't even notice that her little girl went missing. The mother offer no comfort when she saw the crying little girl and she carried on with her photo taking. A man who appeared to be the father offer no comfort to the poor girl too. After the mother finally finish with photo taking, she turned around and look at the girl, instead of offering her a big hug, she push her to the father. I stood there looking at the family and I felt so sorry for the little girl.

The little girl could be naughty and roam around without the parents permission or it could be the parents got distracted by some stuffs and forgot about the little girl. Whatever is the reason, the parents failed to protect their little girl and expose her to potential risk and danger.

Am I feeling emotionally affected because I am a mother myself? Maybe, since protecting our children is something very nature. A mother do not need to be taught to know what's the right things to do. Yet, I might be taking common sense and common responsbiliy for granted.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Not meeting the twins over the weekend

I will be joining for team for a trip Malacca and will not be seeing my twins over the weekend. What this mean is, i will not see them straight for 10 days. That is actually a long period of time. As they grew older, I do enjoy the time with them more but only with additional help. One is two ratio is still a bad equation for me.

I am such a contractivity person, on one hand I am looking forward to the trip and the break,on the other, I am missing the babies and wish that the trip is cancel. I am really such a flicker minded person. Long gone are the days when I can be free and do whatever I want without much hesitation but now, I just think, worry, plan, worry and worry alot more.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Am I a terrible mother??

These days I have these thought and wonder if I am a terrible mother? I am so comfortable in leaving them with my nanny and I felt so relieved and happy when they are not with me. Dosen't sound too right, isn't it?

In fact, they have been very good babies, they are healthy and loveable. I must tell myself to be grateful and count my blessing. I love my babies and totally grateful for having them, I just need to tell myself to enjoy, embrace and stop worrying.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Our plan to stop the mosquitoes from attacking our babies

I seriously think the mosquitoes at home are driving my babies and me nuts. Their attacked causes the babies to wake up and unable to fell back to sleep peacefully. Definitely pain my heart to see them scatching themselves and feeling uncomfortable.

We have decided to take on the mosquitoes. We have planted Lemon scented aroma througout the house. We have bought different repellent at home, the cream type, spray type and candle. We have 3 UV insect killer at home and have learn from website about using Lemon as the nature remedies to chase away the insect. We are trying my best and will do whatever we can to achieve that goal.

However, if everything else fail then we will rent out the house and move to somehere that is of higher floor and mosquitoes free as well as bigger space. Parents really do all things for the sake of their kids!!!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Thank you!!

I am grateful for the help that I have received on Friday and saturday when I am suppose to be alone with the twins. My mum and aunt came on Friday and they help with the twins and allowed me to nap peacefully in the afternoon which was so heavenly.

My friend, came over on sat evening and that really took the stress out of me. Really grateful for the time and help from the deep deep bottom of my heart.

Dear lord, please continue to watch over the twins and my family. Please give them good health and let them grow up happy. Amen lord

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Good records and looking back

I have the habit of looking back at my own blog to recall and remembered events and activities that had passed. Glad that I started this blog earlier and some of my life events was recorded when it happened.

Without the blog, I won't be able to remember the IVF journay and how I managed to clear the pregnancy without much fanfare. There are happy incidents and there are some that bring tears to my eyes whenever I read the blog.

Till today, I still can't really express how much I missed my grandma and I will read my blog to remember the day she left me. I never want to forget how grandma look like and how she loves me. I seriously missed her.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Learning to let God

I have not been to church for a long time and in recent months, I have the strong desired to be back. Probably because the twins made me realized that I need someone with greater power and I desperately need God to guide me and watch over me.

At times when I am totally helpless, God is my only way out. I have prayed to him in difficult time and not pray when things get better. This is terrible, I know. I need to get thing back in prospective and I want the twins to grow up in his Grace.

Dear lord, pls forgive my sin and my ignorance the day I walked away. My body, soul and mind are weak and I need your protection over me. Please give the patience and wisdom on handling the twins, I want them to live up to the name that we have given them. Always Sincere and Righteous. May you protection them against all odds and allow them to grow up healthy, happy and be useful. Thank you lord, Amen.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

News that bother

Parenthoods really changes us, like it or not. That is no option given and more often than not, the changes make us paranoid, worried and scared.

First, came on the news on HFMD, this used to be a piece of news until I became a mother. Now, to me HFMD is a scary and dirty word, the mentioned of it scared the shit out of me.

Then came the news of attempt abduction at Ang mo Kio hub. In the past, again this will be just a news and discussion topic but now, it is a real concern to me. Singapore is no longer safe and how should I watch out for my kids when we go out??

Many time, we heard other parents talking about how good is parenthoods but not how worried they are as parents. Are we really only suppose to talk about the good and not the bad?? When I feel less than worthy and competent, what should I do?? I can't force myself to stay positive with all the worried and concern that I have. I need to know that i can received help when I need to and I will be alright and all this shall pass!!

Weekend with the Twins

Sincere is recovering from his cold that he has been having for about two weeks. He still has abit of block nose and that kept him awake at the nite. Really heartache to see him toss and turn, trying to find the right position to sleep. I can't do much but stay up and watch him to ensure that he is ok.

Now, he is trying to sleep, hopefully the block nose will clear with the nose drop that I gave him earlier. My poor baby boy.

Righteous has recovered and other than a attention seeking girl when she is awake, she is really a sweeties and always so cheerful and happy. She is learning and able to follow some direction these days, thing are getting more fun and of cos challenging.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Happy 1st birthday to Sincere and Righteous

Same time last year, we welcome the arrived of our twins and now they are turning one.

It has been a wonderful journey with lots of challenges and we foresee the road ahead will be full of colours and we are looking forwards to watch them grow.

Happy birthday, my darlings and we love you!!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Double trouble

The twins started my weekend with running nose, sleepless night and trip to KKH A&E. Was exhausted but grateful that they gets better after taking the medication.

They also managed to sleep alittle longer. When the doctor told the type of running nose medicine i could opt for my twins, i immediately go for the one that said 'may have sedative effect'. That's a brainless choice right? All of us need the sleep.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Thursday night!!

Looking forwards to having the babies home over the weekend. Missed them, I went over to HongKong last week and didn't bring them home for more than 10 days, yeah, that is a long time. They better still remember mummy and daddy.

Just clean out the house, getting ready to welcome them home. To note, i will be home alone with them over the weekend and that will be good bonding time.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Learning to be grateful once again

The twins decided to be naughty at night over the weekend. They take turn to woke up at night and i never get a sleep, ok maybe i slept for 2 hours before the none stop routine of waking every hour started.

I was frustrated and very impatience with the babies. Louis woke up to help but i am still helpless, i don't know what do they want.

But i told myself to be grateful, they are probably just as helpless and exhausted as i am and needed a bit of comfort here and there.

Came morning, two of them just give me their widest smile and I guess this is the joy that all parents are talking about.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Coughing

Righteous was down with cold last week and she got better after receiving medication. I caught her cold bug and started coughing since Thursday, the feeling suck, I can't believed I am so damn weak. I bought myself cough syrup and the condition seem to be under controlled although I still cough.

However, the nightmare is, Sincere started coughing too. Stupid cough bug is invading our household. Not going to let the bug take over, going to bring Sincere to see doctor on Monday.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

My naughty babies

I am freaking tired. The twins take turn to nap and woke up at different timing when I am alone with them today. On the positive side, easier for me to manage one at a time and able to bond with them better. But on the negative side, I am very tired and didn't get to rest at all.

Was looking forward to at least able to sleep early but Righteous decided to be naughty and woke up every hour and now I am still rocking her and hope that she will fall asleep deep and fast before Sincere want his milk.

I am need my sleep and rest, I can't function well when I am sleep deprived.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Brand new 2012

Fine, 2012 came without much fanfare, at least for my family. We were asleep by 9pm on new year eve and we missed out the countdown and the firework. Nevertheless, I am grateful for 2011 and hopeful for 2012.

We are forever grateful for the twins and all I want and wish for the babies is for them to be healthy and happy always. A mother wish is always simple, we just complicate matter alittle cos we get greedy, which I hope I will not be.

2011 marks a few changes for my life. I have promoted to a mother of a pair of lovely twins, was promoted at work and I lost my beloved grandmother. There are lots of joy and grieving time. Instead of setting new year resolution, I am focusing on living my life to the fullest and hoping to reduce the possibility of regret.

In 2012, more milestone to cross and more goodness to look forward to. I believed God is overlooking and protecting us. Thank you Lord for your unconditional love.