As much as I wanted to maintain my lifestyle to pre parenthood, there are changes that are inevitable and beyond my control. At the same time, I did manage to have some form of balance for myself.
For sure, I no longer look forward to long week if Louis is working, simply because staying home alone with the twins is a challenge beyond me, the situation is 100000 times worst when they are sick. Which is like now, both down with flu and refuse to take their medicine and afternoon nap. I felt that I am been push to the wall and tested beyond my limit. Then again, only my children have the ability to do this to me.
No more drinking and partying on a Friday night, very sad and this is something that missed very much. Even if I do get a Friday night off, it won't be the same, I won't let my hair go and drink like no tomorrow. I do have a tomorrow and they comes with two kids and I can't afford to be drunk and suffering from hangover.
Sleeping in on weekend. But I can still sleep in on a weekday for now. To sleep in mean I have to apply for leave, how sad can that be??
Personal time and desire aside, parenthood is a very expensive changes. The nanny fee cost us $2000 per month and that excludes the milk powder, diaper and weekend help cost and many more. It means I could be potentially be buying a branded bag each month or change to a luxury car with the money that I spent on the babies.
My balance comes during weekday when he twins are at the nanny. I can still meet up with friends for dinner, spend 'we' time with louis and plan overseas trip.
Parenthood is a life long commitment and the changes are so drastic that it can be very overwhelming. There are no lead time to learn and there no way to be trained or prepared for what is to come. On the job training is the only choice with no option to turn back, no such thing as 'if only' and 'what if'. Like all parents, I will not ever trade in my kids for anything in this world, no matter how much I missed my pre parenthood life or how many branded bags that I like. I have my random feel about my role as a mother. As you may guess...the feel is even stronger when they are sick and I need to wrote this down to remind myself that all this horrible moment shall pass and I love my kids no matter what.
Dear lord, please watch over them, heal them and make them sleep.
