Rough patches in life

I am very angry with my Louis, never feel so frustrated in my life. I hate that my emotion revolved around him sometime. I hate that I am affected by him. I hate losing the cool and I hate being so emotional. I want to move away from that and I want to be myself and Love myself. Current stage of me...I hate everything around me. I hate that I have work doubly hard, I hate that I hate my MIL, I hate that I have to make decision that revolved around twins. I hate that I have to be dependence on others. I am feeling tired and alone...I hate everything. I hate that I have to tell myself to be positive. I hate that I have to encourage others, I hate that I have to manage other people expectation.

Gadgets junkies

I had self confessed that I am a gadgets junkie, not the extreme types but I think bad enough. I have 3 digital cameras, 2 ipad, 1 galaxy tab 2, 2 iPod and a new window 8 laptop. Do I really need so many of them?? Maybe not but owning them makes me happy. I am happier when my iPad 2 is free, iPad 1 is cheap, got it at only $75, a recon set.

I got my latest canon pocket camera from Gmarket at $200 lower than the retail price here in singapore, happiness right? I will have not excuses not to capture moments with my twins with so many of my camera on hands.

Decision making time

We have been thinking about moving nearer to Jurong area now that the twins are two and should be attending school soon. We tried not to push the matter but the topic resurfaced and we really need to discuss the issue seriously.

I have been enjoying the freedom of weekdays nights and although I loved my lifestyle and freedom,  I really need to reconsider the current arrangement and try to spend more time with the kids. Moving out of our comfort zone is tough but we have to be fair to our twins.

The great things is I do have family support from my mum and aunt who are willing to make changes to their own arrangement to accommodate our changes. Our decision will cause one round of effect and we will think thru carefully before action. Key point is to put the kids welfare above all.

One of the positive point of moving to Jurong mean I will have more time to enjoy my music in the car..not too bad!!

Mission from 25 feb to 8 march!!

Yes, I was on leave to take care of the twins and we set a mission for ourselves so that we have a goal to work towards to. We aim to visit as many new cafes and new places as possible.

We started with staycation at Festive hotel, first time for all of us. We visited The Costa Settlement at Changi village, nice cafe and the beef pizza was really superb.

We went to Antoinette at Praha Road, the cafe was located new Lavender MRT, the location was very unassuming. The cafe was very classy and the twins did manage to mess up the place a little.

We also visited Penny University along East Coast Road, the cafe is totally not child friendly, very nosy and it does not help that the twins are currently into their screaming mode. And once again, we felt discriminated,  the youngsters gave us dirty look and even move away from us.

We will contiune our new cafe mission and should be visiting a few more before the twins holiday ended. We are going to Chye Seng Huat tomorrow. 

Remembering my grandma

The twins were a little under the weather and their appetites weren't very good. We reduced their milk quantity and cut out oily foods. But I do cook plain porridge for them.

This is my grandma ways of nursing me when I am unwell. She will always cook plain porridge for me and only added some soya sauce for me to go with it. This is the comfort that she gave me since young and I am offering it back to my twins. They love the plain porridge for a change and the salty soya sauce taste help to ease their plain taste bud.

I love the ways I am remembering my grandma..I love the ways that she is still in my life even though she is not here with us anymore.  Ah ma...我会永远把你放在我心里。

Pushing my limit

My limiit is challenged and my patience tested after spending more than 10 days with my two little darlings. They constantly come up with new tricks, new requests, new demands that we were unable to counter. I blame it our non creative minds to manage them and seriously lack of experienced and wisdom.

I am trying to stop myself from shouting at them but daily I will be driven up the wall. I will pull my hairs and get really angry with myself. Of cos all this will renew and refresh daily after the little ones woke up and gave me the sweetest hugs and kisses.

With this given chance to spend such long time with them, I have concluded and confirmed that I am not cut out to be a stay home mum. I rather work, faces and handle office bitches and politics than kill myself.

Having said all this, I must said....I will always love u...my darlings! !

After one week of staying home with the twins

The past 7 days were nothing but challenging. The twins are at the terrible two stage where they have their little mind of their own and demanding but yet they can't fully express themselves, can't fully understand instructions and explanations. They express themselves thru umpteen crying sessions which was really irritating. 

I needs alot of wisdom, love,  patience and perseverance to handle my babies. I do not want to scream at them all the time. I do not want to punish them all the time but how to get thru their little mind?? Giving in all the time will spoil them and I definitely do not want this to happen. Dear lord, please show me the ways to manage my two little darlings.

First day of staycation

To me, today was an eventful day. We checked in the hotel, brought the twins to their first swimming experience, had dinner, rested and went for a short evening walk.

We were tired but still happy. The twins weren't at their best behaviour but were doing good considering this is their first hotel stay.

Dear Lord, thank you for watching over us. Amen Lord.

The beginning of two weeks as a stay home mom.

My nanny home is undergoing upgrading by HDB for 2 weeks, so I am on two weeks leave to take care of the twins. After the 1 week holiday taken by my nanny last year, this the longest period that I will be spending with the twins.  The blessing is, Louis will be around to help out and we have planned staycation and activites to entertain the kids and allow us to stay sane.

We have packed for the staycation and are pretty excited about the holiday.  Staycation will be the pre preparation for the oversea trip.  Hopefully, we will be able to bring them overseas to Perth or Hong Kong, else going to Bintan is also not a bad ideas.

Righteous has not been able to sleep well the last two nights, crossing fingers for the rest of the weeks. Dear Lord, please watch over us and show us mercy. Amen Lord.

What a CNY for 2013

We had a terrible CNY 2013. The twins started having fever on new year eve and instead of getting better, the fever spike and they seem to be fighting a horrible viral fever.

This was confirmed during our visit to KKH on 2nd day of cny. The blood test was clear but I am worried about urinary infection for ah girl, so we went back again on 3rd day. Was totally glad and grateful that the test was negative and she is clear. So, now we have to continue to fight the viral till their immunity is stronger and win the battle. Till now, it will be lots of medicine for them to bring the temperature down to make them feel better.

I felt jealous and depressed from reading and looking at all the happy pictures about cny. Everyone are having rolling good time while we were left fighting the nasty fever. But I am and will be forever grateful for having the twins and do what I need to do to get them well. We will be celebrating the rest of the future festives with a happy heart and super rolling great time. Amen Lord.

Persistent high fever is not leaving the kids alone.

It has been day 3 and the fever remain high at 39 plus degree once the medicine wore off. Although this is not the first time that they were down with viral fever but it is always worrying each time the fever strike so high. Had their blood tested this morning, all good.   The urine test was unsuccessful, failed to capture the urine, now I am remain worried that it could be urinary infection which is common for young children.

There were many articles providing information about fever among young children and stating that fever do not cause brain damage. However, all it need is one article on a case of brain damaged incident causes by High fever to drive any parents nuts. No amount of assuranced and reasoning, logic or facts will help. Any form of risk or threat that could compromise the health of our children is too risky.

Dear Lord, please heal them and remove the viral fever. Please watch over them and give them strength. I am weak and fearful, please give me courage and wisdom on managing and taking care of them. I have no one else but you in timr of need, please forgive me..Dear Lord, please take care of them. Thank you, lord. Amen.

Nursing two unwell babies over cny.

Chinese new year eve started terrible with the twins both felt sick with high fever. The fever was persistence and they were feeling unwell. They were pretty restless during visiting on first day of cny. Now Righteous is resting next to me with fever as high as 38.5 degree and the medicine does seem to work on her. She will need to break the fever to get well. I am very worry and will bring her to kkh if the fever do not drop by tomorrow morning.

It makes me wonder about my decision in insisiting on bringing them for visitng even though they were unwell. Louis wanted to stay home and let them rest but first day of cny is such important day that I want them to value the significant of cny. Then again, they might be too young to understand and it is probably me who wanted to celebrate the festive.

Dear babies, please get well soon..mama love u and looking back, we should maybe really stay home and allow both of you to rest.

A very special friend

I would like to congratulate Vanessa on the arrival of her twins on 11 January 2013. To my dearest friend who had gone thru too many things in our life. We started our journey in secondary school but the closeness set in after we graduated. We were business partners, travel mates, we party together, drink together, we went for classes together, we shared intimate secret, we were each other wedding coordinator, we have gone thru alot together and now we are both proud parents of our twins.

Life would never be the same without her. Now, we look forward to bringing our twins up together, explore parenthoods together and the next phase of our life together.

Unable to sleep

Feeling very very very tired but I can't get to sleep. Weekend was already challenging enough and yet when I can rest on weekdays, I have problem sleeping. I didn't sleep on Monday night and now I am feeling the same frustration on Tuesday. I am very tired but I just can't get to sleep.

Lack of sleep drive me up the wall, I am problem focusing at work and feel short temper. Why is this happening? I cut down on coffee and turn to decaf coffee and the condition didn't improve.

Help!! I need help.

Did a mental counts

My twins fell sick so often that I did a mental counts. On average, they are sick at least once a month since they turn 5 months old. Now, they are 21 months, which mean I have at least 16 scary weekends and numerous visits to the hospital.

Since the beginning of 2013, they were down with high fever, got better and now down with flu n cough. In 2013, forget about my other resolutions....all I want is two healthy and happy babies.

Dear lord, please protect and watch over them. I am totally at lost when they are unwell.